My family hates me. I am bad:(?

Hi my name is Justin I came here to Thailand when i was 18 i lived with my dad for alittle while here. We are americans. He came here for vacation than met a women and got married. So i came here for i gues a good exp?? Than i had fun and screwed my dads wife and he left and i had to stay with her for a year and a half. Taking care of her and my whole family knew. Though they didnt do anything and i didnt want to go back to the states crying like alittle *****!! So i stayed and layed in my ****. I couldnt go anywhere cause i couldnt speak the language. And trust me i had very god reasons for not just leaving. I am not stupid i am caculated and very god at reading situations. and i know whats god and whats not for me. So everything i did was for my survival. People especially thais are bad or can take advantage. and i dont want to fight. So i stayed took care of her gave her all my money and than after a year and a half i finnally got out. moved to a friends. now have been out for 2 years now different jobs women ber having some fun. Though my family knows what i did. I am just very caculated. All my disicions were to kep me safe and alive. I am here now illegally. Have few friends but i need new opinions. Its hard to get someone to listen to you. things are stressfull. Idk can someone email me and we can chat or someone got yahoo mesenger or something? Need to talk to someone.